


Double 0-mens

by shambling



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, Demon, Gen, Wings, acts of minor irritation, angel - Freeform, but not wing!fic, crowley - Freeform, q is a gobby little shit, the m25
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 18:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shambling/pseuds/shambling
Summary: There is a Demon somewhere in MI6, and Q has been trying to figure out who.In which the conventions of Good Omens meet the Bondverse, because, why not?





	Double 0-mens

**Author's Note:**

> This is silly, silly fun. Enjoy!

“Oh I’ve got it! It’s you, you’re the demon.” 

Bond pauses, his hand hovering above something shiny, gunmetal grey, and, probably lethally explosive. He half turns towards Q, who is clapping his hands together like a delighted child, and says nothing.

“It all makes sense now. The consistently impeccable dress sense, regardless of whether it’s actually appropriate for the job, the ability to leave a flaming ruin behind you without so much as a smudge of ash on those crisp white shirts, not to mention the women. You’d think you’d be getting a reputation by now, and I’m sure you’re excellent at it but no shag is worth the possibility that you’ll quite soon be dead. So its you, it must be. You’re the demon I’ve been looking for.”

“Right.” Bond gives nothing away, face impassive, because he hasn’t lasted this long in the world of men to give everything away to a child with a hunch, and for now, Q seems happy to do all the talking, like a super-villain at the climax of the plot.

“Everyone told me that Bond was a code name, but it must’ve been you this whole time, just changing faces through the years to avoid suspicion, am I right? Of course, the blonde threw me at first, I was looking at Eve, or Mallory, but then I suppose I’ve gone dark myself, and its not like we wonder around carrying harps anymore, at least,” his face darkens briefly “those of us with better things to do don’t.”

Bond, makes a small noise, shifts his weight so that he’s facing Q, his back to the door. No need to be hasty, but he needs to see how this will play out. He doesn’t want to hurt Q, but then, if Q is in fact who he’s inferring, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. And then he could take a nice, long, lunch.

“Why espionage? That’s what I want to know.” Q finally pauses for breath, steeples his fingers on the desk and looks at Bond over them, but he’s stuck for an answer.

“I could’ve seen you on the other side, I mean, you very much are the definition of the other side. I wouldn’t have had you down as an MI6 sort of set. Some of the more minor branches of government maybe, but you know, we had an agreement about getting too high up. That’s what ruled M out in the end. I thought even your lot wouldn’t be that daft, and I was right.”

Bond says nothing, still, hoping against hope that maybe this is a terrible dream, or that the young Quartermaster has had a psychotic break and after this is done he can get back to what he does best, minorly inconveniencing people.

“Oh for…” Q sighs deeply, looks briefly pained, and then there are Wings sprouting from his back. And capital W wings they are indeed, slightly shabby, extremely ethereal, because doesn’t Bond know what a fuss it can be, getting a shape back when you’d just got it right. They are the large, slightly dirty white of a barn owl, and look to be in need of a good tidy. Typical angel.  
“Azazel. But I prefer Q,” says Q, holding out a hand for Bond to shake, which he does, if only to be polite.

Bond, clears his throat, decides that honesty is the best policy and if he has to spend a decade down below puling his atoms back together then at the very least it will shut Q up.

“Minor acts of irritation are more my style. No-one ever said who I had to annoy. I could ask the same of you. Facilitating my killing isn’t really the Angelic style is it?”

Q, smiles bashfully. “Not exactly, but the management took a view that if humanity were so intent on trying to, “do each other in” as it were, then we might meddle a little, if only to make sure it was the right kind of people, being done in. Not to mention, they’ve absolutely got a thing about Islam at the moment, its frankly embarrassing. I’m entirely unclear as to whether we’re for or against it right now…” He trails off, looking at Bond thoughtfully.

“Also, we had some intelligence that Hell was operating in MI5 or MI6, and frankly “we” wanted in, apparently. I’m supposed to report back on you, but I expect now you know, you’re supposed to report back on me too. I’m not very good at this whole “covert” thing.”

Bond, allows himself a small smile, thinking of a friend and the M25.

“Well, Q, I’m sure we could come to some kind of arrangement.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you believe Wikipedia, then in some literature Azazel was exiled from Heaven for giving weaponry to man kind. I also considered Quaphsiel, because Q, and Nathaniel, Angel of Fire. Feel free to interpose any of those names on if they tickle your fancy.
> 
>  
> 
> In Good Omens, the only purported difference in appearing between Angels and Demons (wing wise) is that Demons are better groomed. I chose to assume that Q's wings would therefore look to be in need of a wash and brush.


End file.
